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Archive for the ‘bed rest’ Category

i’m not sure how long we’ll be a family of 2. i’m feeling fine for the most part. my body continues to grow and ache in new places, but i don’t think any of that is a sign that baby girl is on her way. that being said, i know that doesn’t mean a thing and i could go into labor tonight (: before that glorious moment arrived, i wanted to publicly acknowledge my little family of two- specifically my husband. i oftentimes struggle with saying what needs to be said. i’m better communicating in written form, esp. if it’s words from the heart. why this is, i don’t know. when i try to speak from the heart to my husband or a friend  “i love you” or “i’m so thankful you’re in my life” often comes out as “let’s meet for coffee” or “let’s have meatloaf for dinner.”  i think writing is the best way for my thoughts to come out in a somewhat ordered fashion.

for those of you who don’t know, jim has pretty much done bed rest right along with me. he has been such a rock and source of strength for me throughout this entire process. he has worked tirelessly to make sure my every need was met. he has cooked my meals and done laundry. he has kept up the household and done all the the cleaning (to be fair he did much of the same things even when i wasn’t on bed rest). sure, i’ve done a load of laundy here and there and loaded and emptied the dishwasher, but it was because i wanted to and not because i needed to. if i didn’t have him here, i wouldn’t have been able to really rest as i needed to. we have been a team and we have both done the hard work to keep this baby girl inside.

the way jim loves me sometimes amazes me. this bed rest jounrney has proven to me that he must really really  love me (: not only that, but that he is capable of taking care of me/us if need be. that is a very reassuring revelation. i have not been a treat to deal with let me tell you! at times i’ve been so crazy/sad/worried/happy/tired/mean/crabby and unfair. still, through it all, he’s loved me. we are married and i know he’s legally obligated to take care of me (: <—-thank goodness! but, he doesn’t have to do it willingly or with grace, but HE HAS. i’m so very very thankful for him. i don’t know what i did to deserve him, but i won’t question it. i’ll accept it and run with it.

i’m excited to become a family of 3, but no matter what, i want to remember and embrace our family of 2. i want us to always carve out time to celebrate US and our marriage. we were first a team of 2 after all and i don’t think we can be good parents unless we can continue to honor each other and our committment to one another. marriage can be hard, by design it just is, but i wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. some days we argue and i imagine how great it would feel if i cold just drop kick him in the neck and he’d have cause to feel the same way about me. then i think of what life would really feel like without him and it’s no reality i ever want to face. he is my PERSON. the witness to my life. i can’t wait for this next chapter to begin and i’m so happy we get to exprience this together.

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random stuff:

– since i’ve been on bed rest i love the nate berkus show. he is a design master. i like that most of his suggestions are accessible to anyone. you don’t have to have thousands of dollars to re do a room. he gives simple suggestions that have a huge impact.

pinterest is the best! if you’re not on that train, get on it.

– i can’t wait to do yoga again (and bring the little girl to BYOB- Bring Your Own Baby) at Blooma

my labor play list: this includes time spent at home and the hospital.

entire albums:

– michael jackson- off the wall

-michael jackson- thriller

-michael jackson- bad

– stevie wonder- songs in the key of life

– justin timberlake- justified

-john coltrane- live in stockholm

-lauryn hill- miseducation

single songs:

-prince- i wanna be your lover

-prince- let’s go crazy

-prince- purple rain

-prince- i would die 4 u

-prince-  sexy mf

-prince- nothing compares to you

– cake- i will survive

– alicia keys- no one

-alicia keys- how come you don’t call me

– beyonce- who run the worls

– destiny’s child- survivor

– george michael- freedom

-george micheal- faith

-george micheal- teacher

– U2- beautiful day

-coldplay- yellow

-coldplay-clocks

– sarah mc laughlin- in the arms of  an angel

– michael jackson- stranger in moscow

– michael buble- my funny valentine

– pink- glitter in the air

ok, that’s it for now.

until next time!

xo

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i’ll be 32 on my next birthday, but more importantly, i’m 32 today!! 32 weeks pregnant. so happy to have reached my 3rd gestational goal. next up is 35. at 35 (or 36 depending) my doctor promised that my restrictions would be lifted. i didn’t ask for clarification as to if that meant i could at least take short trips out or if that actually means i’m free and can resume my daily activities which would include going back to work. either way- at least i see a light at the end of the tunnel. well, i always had the BIG light (baby) in mind at the end. i mean really, that’s why i’m tolerating all of THIS! (:

anyway life has been very busy around these parts. the andrews household had a  mini make over this week. i think jim got his nesting bug and deciding things needed to change around here before baby came home. we had been talking about getting new living room furniture for months. well, last week he pulled the trigger. we got a new sectional couch, an ottoman, some prints to hang in the living room and hallway, curtains and curtain rods and two new chairs. it makes a huge difference. it feels like we’ve moved. the furniture we had in the living room before was too bulky for the space. with the new furniture it feels like we’ve gained lots of space and it feels more “airy”. jim’s parents came up to help him get everything put together and in place. they also brought up treats for us- a crib, desk (which will become a changing table) and cute clothes for the baby. now we can have more than 2 people over at a time and not feel like we’re siting on top of each other.

we had our bi-weekly doctor’s appointment a little earlier this week. this past thursday evening  i started cramping. i took a hot shower and went to bed and hoped that in the morning it would be gone. i got up and felt a little better, but as the morning progressed they increased in intensity. i texted the doctor and she told us to come in right away. she checked my cervix and it was closed (good sign) and also did a FFN test. what’s that? this: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/pretermlabor_fetalfibronectin.html basically it is supposed to measure the likelihood of delivery in the next 2 weeks. i came home and tried to take it easy the rest of the day. later we got a text from the doc letting us know the FFN test was negative. hooray!! that will take us almost all the way to 35 weeks. now, that doesn’t mean i can go jumping on trampolines. i still have to be diligent with my bed resting, but it was nice to have that reassurance that we’re still on the right track to have a term (or close to term) baby.

today jim is going to our infant cpr and first aid class today. i wish i could go ):  i am glad that one of us will have this knowledge. i have taken a course like this in the past because i did a ton of babysitting- so i feel confident i’d be able to recall some of the most critical techniques. i suppose it really doesn’t matter though. we could always hire a full-time doctor in addition to the secret service agents (;

ok friends time for me to lay down again. thanks for reading!!

until next time. xxoo

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Bed rest is poorly named. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that is restful about it. Before experiencing it first hand, I was guilty of thinking it would actually be a treat to spend a few weeks of pregnancy on the couch having nothing else to do but watch my favorite movies and flip through my favorite magazines. What I failed to realize was just how terrifying, fearful and isolating bed rest really is (must be).  Imagine spending months on end either in your bed or on the couch. You could only get up (or sit up) to go to the bathroom or eat. Everyday seems the same. You cannot visit friends for lunch or enjoy a latte at your favorite coffee shop. You cannot go outside for a short stroll to clear your head. Does this still sound like rest? A retreat? I know people mean well when they say things like, “well enjoy this time because when the baby comes you’ll wish you had it back.” Bullshit! I would much rather deal with a crying infant that keeps me up all night than to have to endure another month of this. I haven’t been outside since last week!  My doctor’s appointments are the only time I leave the house. I haven’t breathed fresh air since then and I have no idea how cold it is outside. I would give anything for a shitty commute into work! It feels odd not to be “among the land of the living”. I feel like my days don’t have a purpose. There is nothing else or no one else  that I would go through this for except my child (and maybe Jim- although I cannot think of a reason I’d ever have to do bed rest for him). If  someone from Publisher’s Clearing House burst through my door and offered me a million dollars in exchange for going through bed rest again I would turn it down in a heartbeat!

Before this experience I did not have a birth plan. My “plan” was to show up to the hospital with my husband and go with it. My goal wasn’t to try to go all natural nor was it to go the medicated route. I just wanted to flow with labor and trust my instincts. If I was laboring just fine with breathing and yoga moves- then I’d continue. If, as labor progressed, it felt like someone poured gasoline on my crotch and threw a match at it, then I planned to have no reservations about asking for “the good stuff”.  I didn’t want to have everything mapped out in my head and then have to take another path. I want (and wanted) my birth experience to be as enjoyable as something like this can be.

If I’m able to carry our daughter to term (37 wks) I will have spent almost 3 months on bed rest. I consider this time as my labor because, for me, it  has been just that. I spend about 80 percent of my day in pain. My hips ache  because of the inactivity. If it’s not my hips it is my head or legs or neck. One of the side effects of the medication I take to prevent contractions are horrible headaches. On top of that throw in the on and off pressure and fear related to trying to do everything in your power to keep your baby in, safe and alive. This was a very real fear for me at the beginning of bed rest. There is nothing restful or peaceful about the possibility  of delivering a baby at 26 weeks gestation! It was mental agony and this has been the most challenging experience, physically and mentally, that I have had to face to date.  I would not wish this on my worst enemy! Wait, no, that was a lie. THIS, this  is actually what I WOULD wish on my worst enemy. This is why I’m counting this as my labor with this baby. It has been a labor of love, but it HAS been a labor nonetheless. I am done, finished, waving the white flag!

My birth plan now involves an epidural. Even if I wanted to, I feel I no longer have the mental or physical strength to manage labor without it. I’m so out of shape that just walking to the bathroom from the couch leaves me winded. I often times have to cradle my stomach to support the weight of it because my back muscles can no longer do the job. Sexy right? I know. During the mid-point of this pregnancy when I was able to do prenatal yoga at least 3 times a week, I felt strong. I felt powerful and my body felt like it could handle the pain of labor without medication if I chose to do it that way. That’s no longer the case. I know this in my core. In all honesty, even if by some miracle I could, I’m not sure I want to anymore. I’m over the pain associated with this pregnancy. I want to be able to enjoy bringing our little girl into the world. I want it to be the light at the end of this LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG journey. I think not being able to feel anything below my waist during labor and delivery will greatly help bring about this peace thankyouverymuch! I have made the best decision for me and I’m at peace with that. I’m looking forward to the baby experience and I don’t so much care HOW she gets here, just as long as we’re both healthy and safe at the end of it all.

In a few short weeks when Jim and I show up at the hospital to bring our baby girl into the world, my question to the first staff member I see won’t be, “where is labor and delivery?”, but “point me in the direction where I can get me one a’them epiduralmagigies. I’m gonna need one, stat!”

Until next time. xo

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It has happened. I’m either nesting or losing (more of) my mind! Let me preface this next paragraph by saying I know that these thoughts are NOT NORMAL and completely crazy. My rational self knows that these thoughts make no sense at all, but I can’t help myself.

I’ve entered the part of pregnancy known as “nesting”. I look around our home and think the craziest thoughts. It’s actually easier if I just list out some of the insane thoughts I’ve had over the past week or so.

Tanisha’s Crazy Thoughts (in no particular order):

– Is that dust on our baseboards ? We must clean and sanitize all of these baseboards before the baby gets here.

– Why is our carpet covered in dog hair!! No way will she be allowed to roll around in all of that. We MUST shave the dog! Problem. Solved.

– Why don’t we have bars on our windows? We live in a garden level condo. Anybody can just climb in our windows, grab our easily displayed, very sharp knives on the counter, kill us and take our baby. I need to ask the association if they’ll approve of us putting steel bars on all of our windows. Also, we need to hide these knives in a drawer somewhere!

– Speaking of security, I wonder how much it would cost to hire 2 security guards, wait, scratch that. I wonder how much it would cost to hire 2 secret service agents to follow our daughter around 24 hrs a day to make sure she’s safe at all times.

– DAMN you Nate Berkus!! Why haven’t you shown up to do our nursery! You’re so selfish! Get here quickly (and bring lattes). I’ve always wanted to share a latte with Nate Berkus! Perfect blend of best gay guy friend and awesome designer! BONUS.

See? Told ya! I can’t help myself. To all you moms our there- I get it now. I have always wondered why my mom insisted on talking to me at least once a day. When I was a freshmen in college she would call me every single day. If I did not call back she’d freak out and I could not understand why. When I’d finally call she would say she just wanted to call and make sure I was “ok”. I always thought she needed to chill the heck out! I get it now. Moms (and maybe some dads too) cannot help it. It’s a blessing and a curse. From the moment of conception we are biologically primed to be preoccupied with the safety and care of our offspring. It becomes our top priority to make sure this little being is protected at all times. I don’t think we can help it. That being said, I really really really do not want to hover and smother. I want baby girl to feel safe out in the world and to feel free to explore and spread her wings. I don’t want my neurosis to make her feel like the world is an awful/unsafe place. Reality is that there are BAD people out there and bad things happen sometimes. I just need to work on myself and work on trusting the universe to take care of our little girl. I still wouldn’t mind having those secret service agents though, just in case 🙂

Man, I’m gonna need some therapy! That means Jim will need some too because he has to deal with me 🙂 Happy wife, happy life, right?

Ok here are some photos for you. Think of them as mouthwash for your brain after reading the above.

Until next time! Thanks for checking up on us and your continued and unwavering support. We appreciate it and FEEL it!

Tanisha at a little over 30 weeks. This is what bedrest really looks like. 
I’m usually not all gussied up like I was in previous photos 🙂 

This is our travel system. I had no idea what a travel system was
until we needed one. It’s just our car seat AND stroller. I’m looking
forward to lots of springtime walks!

 

These will go in her nursery. Do you recognize them?

They are framed pages from the book, “The Giving Tree”. The nursery will have a tree theme. We have a huge tree decal that we haven’t put up yet. Once it’s up, I’ll show you. It’s pretty cool.

This is her baby. It was Jim’s when he was little. A family member of his made it for him.
There is even a “J” on the butt. See…

 

Baby Bag. LOVE it.

It has little milk bottles on it.

 

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Exhale

We went for our check up yesterday and left encouraged. Nothing of note really happened, but I think we all were more optimistic than we were last time. A huge part of that is because I’m past the 30 week milestone. I was  born around this gestational age and I’m (arguably) just fine 🙂 Even if bed rest doesn’t seem to be “improving” my cervix situation we can’t deny the fact that it must be doing something. How do we know this? Well, I’m still pregnant and we don’t have a baby yet.  We aren’t doing cervical checks anymore unless we have a reason. A reason would be if I’m having lots of contractions, leaking amniotic fluid or the baby seems to be in distress. None of these things are occurring (except for the random contraction here or there). I’m surprisingly glad we didn’t do a check yesterday. I was getting obsessive about it and it was really discouraging to see the negative changes happening bi-weekly. It was like a punch in the gut, especially when I was trying so so hard at bed rest. This way, the only gauge I have of success is remaining pregnant and how my body feels.

I’m still on strict bed rest and will be for at least the next 5 weeks. Dr. Roberts says that once I’m 35-36 weeks she’ll lift a lot of my current restrictions. I’m looking forward to at least being able to go out- even if it’s just for a short trip once a week. I’ll even take a walk around the block. It’s hard to be inside for weeks at a time and only being allowed to leave the house for doctor’s appointments. This has probably been harder mentally to endure than it has been to deal with the physical challenges of lying around all day. I don’t want to dwell too much on this though because my current goal is to just accept things as they are. I no longer want to judge this process as “good” or “bad”. Instead I just want to accept it as it is.

Our little princess is hanging in there and getting stronger. We listened to her heartbeat and she seems to be in there chilling and relaxing 🙂 She’s been very active lately and a great deal of her jabs and kicks now make me say “ouch” out loud.

Until next time! Happy Wednesday!!

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I filled out our registration paperwork for the hospital. I just wanted it checked off the list. Some things I let go until the last possible second, but other things I need to get done ASAP or else they haunt me until I make them go away. I wanted to get those forms filled out so they would be all set to go when it came time to   hurry off to the hospital to become a family of 3 (4 if you count Sparky).  On one of the forms it asks the race of Jim and I. For me I listed “Black” and for him I listed “White”.  I HATE forms like this! What does it matter? I’m not Pollyanna-ish and I know that in this country, unfortunately,  race still matters.  On this form I wondered what they will list for our daughter. Does any one know? Will they list her as “Other”, “Bi-Racial” or “Mixed Race”. I don’t even know nowadays what’s PC. What I do know is that “Mulatto” is out. It’s offensive to call a human Mulatto. My wish is that we will get to a point where we won’t have to label ourselves when it comes to race. I have always believed that race was cultural and not biological. 99.9% of our DNA across racial lines is the same. We are more alike, biologically, than we are different.

Look at these children. Do you know what they all have in common?

                                     

Besides being cutie patooties, all of these kids come families where one parent is black and the other, white. Reality is that our daughter could look more like Jim or have a complexion more like mine or a special blend of both. We really don’t care. We just want her to be healthy and happy. My hope is that while she’s growing up, others won’t care either. I hope that one day we won’t be able to look at people and put them into a box (of stereotypes). We will look around and we won’t visually be able to distinguish what race we all are. I can’t wait for that. We will be forced to judge people just as Martin wanted us to; by the content of character and not color of skin.

My hope is that we are able to raise our daughter to be proud of her individual achievements and less about things she had no hand in controlling. I’m not saying that we won’t teach her about her heritage. I very much want her to know about her ancestors and family history. I think it’s special for each person to know this information if it’s available  to them. I want her to have confidence and pride in herself and know that if she works hard she can achieve anything she wants to. For me (us) that’s what’s MOST important.

Some day when someone looks at my (our) daughter and asks, “what are you?” I hope she smiles and replies, “awesome” and walks away.

That would make me a very proud momma!

Our next doctor’s appointment is Tuesday. I’ll be back to check in then. Also, we’re quickly approaching our first goal of 30 weeks!! I’m so so so so so happy to make it to that point! 4 weeks ago I was unsure if we’d make it here. I’m so happy we’re pretty much there already and I’m almost sure I can make it to 32. If not, oh well. I’m trying each day to let go of expectations and timelines. I need to let go and know that she’ll come whenever she does and we will deal with it them. I can no longer worry and stress about all of this and try to cook a baby at the same time. I’m taking it one day at a time.

Thanks for checking in!

Until next time.

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