Positive Thinking

*I feel like I lose more and more brain cells every day I spend resting on the couch. I apologize in advance for any grammatical mistakes or senseless ramblings that may occur in the following posts.

We have felt so blessed by the showering of kind words, prayers and good thoughts sent our way by family and friends. We are very appreciative and we are so so thankful to know that there are so many people out there wishing us well. It’s nice to know that even though we don’t see you all every day, you are out there and you care. MANY MANY thanks.

One of the main themes from all of the emails we’ve received lately has been the importance of positive thinking throughout this journey. I spend my days bouncing between positive thoughts and tragic outcomes. It’s really hard to maintain hope when I feel  so lousy physically . I don’t know if it’s the lying around or if it’s the lack of exercise, but my body hurts and I feel like I’m losing brain cells each day I’m inside watching another TV program or knitting. On the other hand, I feel like everything is as it should be. During times of second guessing and struggle I read this and it helps me to put things into perspective. I have to trust in this process and know that it is for a reason. The quicker I can surrender to this experience, the easier the rest of the ride will be.

I laid in bed awhile this morning before getting up and thought about our daughter and how excited I am to be her mom. I thought about all the things I’m excited to do with (or is it, to) her. Here’s my list of favorites so far:

1) I can’t wait to put a tracking device on her cell phone so I’ll know where she is at all times.

2) I can’t wait for her boyfriend to call the house and I’ll say, “Oh, I thought she was with you already. Some guy just came to pick her up, I thought that was you.”

3) I can’t wait for her to threaten to run away and then I’ll pull a suitcase from the closet and pack her bags for her.

See! I’m going to be such a great mom!

I can’t take sole credit for number 3. That one came from  “Irene’s Book of Awesome Parenting”. My mom actually did this to me. I swear you could not out argue or out wit that woman. She must have been trained by the CIA in mental manipulation or something. She would always say (like a lot of parents do) “You’ll thank me some day.” It’s so true. I’m so glad that she gave me enough rules to keep me in line, but also enough love to give me courage and confidence.  Anyway, back  number 3. I was about 7 years old and we had had a fight about something. I stomped my feet and screamed, “Fine then, I’m running away!” Imagine my feelings of utter terror and amazement when she responded, “Good. I’ll miss you, but I’ll help you pack!” Not wanting to lose face (yeah, I was such a brat) I helped her shove things into a little blue suitcase. I think I spent a good hour outside in our yard before I rang the doorbell and apologized. Not so much because I was actually sorry, more so because I was 7 and I had packed my bags and literally had nowhere to go. What I can say though, is that it was a good lesson and I never threatened to run away again. If I’m 1/4 of the mother my mom was to me, baby A is in for a fun ride.

Me and Irene. I think I was about 4.