Archive for November, 2011


We went for our check up yesterday and left encouraged. Nothing of note really happened, but I think we all were more optimistic than we were last time. A huge part of that is because I’m past the 30 week milestone. I was ¬†born around this gestational age and I’m (arguably) just fine ūüôā Even if bed rest doesn’t seem to be “improving” my cervix situation we can’t deny the fact that it must be doing something. How do we know this? Well, I’m still pregnant and we don’t have a baby yet. ¬†We aren’t doing cervical checks anymore unless we have a reason. A reason would be if I’m having lots of contractions, leaking amniotic fluid or the baby seems to be in distress. None of these things are¬†occurring¬†(except for the random contraction here or there). I’m surprisingly glad we didn’t do a check yesterday. I was getting obsessive about it and it was really discouraging to see the negative changes happening bi-weekly. It was like a punch in the gut, especially when I was trying so so hard at bed rest. This way, the only gauge I have of success is remaining¬†pregnant and how my body feels.

I’m still on strict bed rest and will be for at least the next 5 weeks. Dr. Roberts says that once I’m 35-36 weeks she’ll lift a lot of my current restrictions. I’m looking forward to at least being able to go out- even if it’s just for a short trip once a week. I’ll even take a walk around the block. It’s hard to be inside for weeks at a time and only being allowed to leave the house for doctor’s appointments. This has probably been harder mentally to endure than it has been to deal with the physical challenges of lying around all day. I don’t want to dwell too much on this though because my current goal is to just accept things as they are. I no longer want to judge this process as “good” or “bad”. Instead I just want to accept it as it is.

Our little princess is hanging in there and getting stronger. We listened to her heartbeat and she seems to be in there chilling and relaxing ūüôā She’s been very active lately and a great deal of her jabs and kicks now make me say “ouch” out loud.

Until next time! Happy Wednesday!!

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I filled out our registration paperwork for the hospital. I just wanted it checked off the list. Some things I let go until the last possible second, but other things I need to get done ASAP or else they haunt me until I make them go away. I wanted to get those forms filled out so they would be all set to go when it came time to ¬† hurry off to the hospital to become a family of 3 (4 if you count Sparky). ¬†On one of the forms it asks the race of Jim and I. For me I listed “Black” and for him I listed “White”. ¬†I HATE forms like this! What does it matter? I’m not Pollyanna-ish and I know that in this country,¬†unfortunately, ¬†race still matters. ¬†On this form I wondered what they will list for our daughter. Does any one know? Will they list her as “Other”, “Bi-Racial” or “Mixed Race”. I don’t even know nowadays what’s PC. What I do know is that “Mulatto” is out. It’s offensive to call a human Mulatto. My wish is that we will get to a point where we won’t have to label ourselves when it comes to race. I have always believed that race was cultural and not biological. 99.9% of our DNA across racial lines is the same. We are more alike, biologically, than we are different.

Look at these children. Do you know what they all have in common?


Besides being cutie patooties, all of these kids come families where one parent is black and the other, white. Reality is that our daughter could look more like Jim or have a¬†complexion¬†more like mine or a special blend of both. We really don’t care. We just want her to be healthy and happy. My hope is that while she’s growing up, others won’t care either. I hope that one day we won’t be able to look at people and put them into a box (of stereotypes). We will look around and we won’t visually be able to¬†distinguish¬†what race we all are. I can’t wait for that. We will be forced to judge people just as Martin wanted us to; by the content of character and not color of skin.

My hope is that we are able to raise our daughter to be proud of her¬†individual¬†achievements and less about things she had no hand in controlling. I’m not saying that we won’t teach her about her heritage. I very much want her to know about her ancestors and family history. I think it’s special for each person to know this information if it’s available ¬†to them. I want her to have confidence and pride in herself and know that if she works hard she can¬†achieve anything she wants to. For me (us) that’s what’s MOST important.

Some day when someone looks at my (our) daughter and asks, “what are you?” I hope she smiles and replies, “awesome” and walks away.

That would make me a very proud momma!

Our next doctor’s appointment is Tuesday. I’ll be back to check in then. Also, we’re quickly approaching our first goal of 30 weeks!! I’m so so so so so happy to make it to that point! 4 weeks ago I was unsure if we’d make it here. I’m so happy we’re pretty much there already and I’m almost sure I can make it to 32. If not, oh well. I’m trying each day to let go of expectations and¬†timelines. I need to let go and know that she’ll come whenever she does and we will deal with it them. I can no longer worry and stress about all of this and try to cook a baby at the same time. I’m taking it one day at a time.

Thanks for checking in!

Until next time.

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We’re starting to get the name question. Do we have a name picked out for her? The answer is, yes. It was easier to pick a girl name than it was for us to agree on a boy name. We’ve tabled our boy names and if we have one some day we’ll have to go back into the boxing ring ūüôā Although we have a name, we’re waiting until she’s born to share it. I’m not sure why Jim is on board with this, but I’ll include why I want to wait. I feel like we’re sharing so much already and THAT’S OK! I love including you all in on each step of this journey with us, especially in the wake of all that is going on. We NEED you and your support. We decided to share the sex already, so everyone already knows she’s a,well, SHE. I want people to have SOMETHING to look forward to.

First Name: We’ve chosen a name that will fit her at 8 yrs of age and at 80. We wanted something that is classic, but unique enough so that hopefully she’ll be the only one in her classroom with the name. Even before I was pregnant I heard this name and it just stuck. I’m glad Jim likes it to, it makes things a lot¬†easier¬†ūüôā

Middle Name: Unlike her first name, her middle name was non negotiable ūüôā I kind of “lovingly” told Jim that if we had a girl that THIS is her middle name. It’s a family name on both Jim’s side and my side. It has special meaning and I’m thankful it flows so well with her first name.

So there you have it. She indeed has¬†a name and we’re not keeping it a secret from you to be mean. We’re just keeping it wrapped up and you can open it (hopefully) after Christmas ūüôā

Look what Daddy Jim did last night! Now she has a place to sleep in our room and we won’t have to put her in a dresser drawer. She’ll be in our room for awhile while she’s really little before moving into her nursery. Once that is put together I’ll show sneak peeks of that. Jim is currently putting together the travel system. Sparky is hiding under my feet because I think he fears it is some type of kennel we are going to force him into. LOL!

Until next time!

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We are doing good over here. They days are getting easier. Maybe it’s because we are getting into a groove or maybe it’s because we have been making a conscious effort to maintain a positive attitude. We’ve continued to be supported and loved by many friends and family. Our visitors have brought lots of positive energy into out home and have helped us pass the hours.

I’m feeling good. My body has felt better today than it has in the past. The little one was not moving as much today, but I think that’s because she’s going through a growth phase. When this has happened in the past I usually wake up the next day with a noticeably bigger midsection (:

I hope you all have great weekends! I will check in soon and have more to say. I’m currently typing on an iPad and it is so awkward to type on.

Edited to Include Photo:

Grandma Judy came to visit us for a few days this week. It was nice to have her motherly energy around. Sparky on the other hand hates her and it was a struggle to get him to come out of hiding to even say hello (;

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as things have gotten (more) serious. She’s not on Twitter, but said we could text her ūüôā I’m now on strict bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy. However long that may be.Today was our follow up appointment to check to see whether or not bed rest is helping. Short answer is, it’s not doing a damn thing to improve my cervix. In fact, it’s gotten shorter. ¬†Our doctor, who usually throws around smiles freely and has been cautiously optimistic this whole time was markedly different today. When she came into the room this time there were no smiles and she told us right out that she “doesn’t like my cervix”. Well, Doc, neither do I!! I feel like that “B” has betrayed me and seems to have inherited my inability to wait for anything. We’re now taking this pregnancy week by week. Each week we can keep her in there potentially means less time baby girl may have to stay in the NICU. Dr. Roberts thinks if I’m still pregnant by Christmas we’ll be very lucky. We’re now hoping to at least make it to 33/34 weeks. ¬†The hospital we’re delivering at has a level 3 NICU and can handle babies born after 30 weeks, so I’m hopeful that she won’t have to be transferred¬†to another hospital if she does come before 2012.

Sidebar: I got my first steroid injection today. I wasn’t prepared for how it was given. I had to take it the same way the athletes do when they’re taking them illegally. NOT FUN! I have another one tomorrow morning. I wonder if I’ll be strong enough to rough Jim up
now? Probably not, but it’s a funny thought, right? Like maybe I’ll grow 10 times in size and turn green every time I get angry from here on out. In addition to the¬†steroid¬†injections, I’m taking a medication 3 times a day that will prevent contractions. Any type of contractions (even the “practice” ones) are a “no no” for me. They could change/shorten my cervix even more.

So now our main focus for the next “X” amount of weeks is keeping baby inside as long as we can. I think we’re both still trying to digest this news and prepare ourselves, the best we can, for what’s to come. ¬†For a girl who likes to control everything, this has really been a learning period for me. I have ZERO control over this outcome and that has been hard as hell to swallow.

I’d like to end on a positive note. The baby is still a champ. She’s doing great and her cheeks looked fatter today. I want this baby to be as juicy as possible. Hefty/Chubby = Great for premature or pre term babies.

Well, I guess I better get comfortable of the couch as it’s my home from here on out.

Tanisha at a little over 28 weeks 

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Alert to ASPCA

We currently have in our possession a dog who is being abused. See for yourself! ūüėČ

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I haven’t posted anything the past few days because it’s been pretty quiet around here. That’s good in my opinion. I welcome calm and quiet right now even if it drives me crazy sometimes.

I’ll just include a few highlights from the last few days.

1) Visitors- we’ve had a couple of visitors and it’s been a welcomed treat. It’s nice to have people to chat with besides the two of us. I mean we love each other but I think we’re running out of new stories to tell one another. Especially when one of us is pretty much stuck on the couch all day. Also, some have brought yummy food. BONUS! It gives Jim a break from his cooking/nursing duties. Speaking of….

2)Jim – He has been a wonderful nurse and companion. I appreciate his presence and help right now. Even if it means I have to share the remote now and again. I mean there is only so much “Say Yes to the Dress” a guy’s guy can watch, right? He keeps me from falling into a dark place and feeling completely isolated so I’m glad it worked out that he’s home for awhile right now.

3)Emails- they help me stay connected. I’ve enjoyed reading about what is happening “out there” while I’m “in here”. I’ve heard from friends, family, co workers, my fav teachers from Blooma and even my doctor. Being in this position has really made me most appreciative of all the love and support our little family has. It will be nice to welcome our little one into such a community.

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*I feel like I lose more and more brain cells every day I spend resting on the couch. I apologize in advance for any grammatical mistakes or senseless ramblings that may occur in the following posts.

We have felt so blessed by the showering of kind words, prayers and good thoughts sent our way by family and friends. We are very appreciative and we are so so thankful to know that there are so many people out there wishing us well. It’s nice to know that even though we don’t see you all every day, you are out there and you care. MANY MANY thanks.

One of the main themes from all of the emails we’ve received lately has been the importance of positive thinking throughout this journey. I spend my days bouncing between positive thoughts and tragic outcomes. It’s really hard to maintain hope when I feel ¬†so¬†lousy physically¬†. I don’t know if it’s the lying around or if it’s the lack of exercise, but my body hurts and I feel like I’m losing brain cells each day I’m inside watching another TV program or knitting. On the other hand, I feel like everything is as it should be. During times of second guessing and struggle I read this¬†and it helps me to put things into¬†perspective. I have to trust in this process and know that it is for a reason. The quicker I can surrender to this experience, the easier the rest of the ride will be.

I laid in bed awhile this morning before getting up and thought about our daughter and how excited I am to be her mom. I thought about all the things I’m excited to do with (or is it, to) her. Here’s my list of favorites so far:

1) I can’t wait to put a tracking device on her cell phone so I’ll know where she is at all times.

2) I can’t wait for her boyfriend to call the house and I’ll say, “Oh, I thought she was with you already. Some guy just came to pick her up, I thought that was you.”

3) I can’t wait for her to threaten to run away and then I’ll pull a suitcase from the closet and pack her bags for her.

See! I’m going to be such a great mom!

I can’t take sole credit for number 3. That one came from ¬†“Irene’s Book of Awesome¬†Parenting”. My mom actually did this to me. I swear you could not out argue or out wit¬†that woman. She must have been trained by the CIA in mental manipulation or something. She would always say (like a lot of parents do) “You’ll thank me some day.” It’s so true. I’m so glad that she gave me enough rules to keep me in line, but also enough love to give me courage and confidence. ¬†Anyway, back ¬†number 3. I was about 7 years old and we had had a fight about something. I stomped my feet and screamed, “Fine then, I’m running away!” Imagine my feelings of utter terror and amazement when she responded, “Good. I’ll miss you, but I’ll help you pack!” Not wanting to lose face (yeah, I was such a brat) I helped her shove things into a little blue suitcase. I think I spent a good hour outside in our yard before I rang the doorbell and apologized. Not so much because I was actually sorry, more so because I was 7 and I had packed my bags and literally had nowhere to go. What I can say though, is that it was a good lesson and I never threatened to run away again. If I’m 1/4 of the mother my mom was to me, baby A is in for a fun ride.

Me and Irene. I think I was about 4.

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*Halloween 2011.I’m including this photo because it’s the most up to date preggo picture I have. (26 weeks)

At my 24 week appointment my doctor  informed me that she noticed
something from my 20 week ultrasound and wanted to take another look
at baby girl’s heart so we scheduled that ultrasound for Tuesday, Nov 1st.

Jim and I went in early because I also had to do the gestational
diabetes test and blood test to check my iron. Luckily my iron is fine
and I passed the diabetes test with flying colors. The other good news
is that the baby’s heart now looks just fine and she’s almost 3lbs
already!!! We even got to see her open her eyes and yawn. During the
ultrasound though, the technician noticed that my cervix was funneling and
opening a little. That’s not good.

We met with our doctor afterwards and she said that if I were in my first or second
trimester she’d place a stitch in my cervix to keep it closed but since
I’m at the beginning of my third it’s too late for that so she put me on bed
rest. We go back in two weeks for another ultrasound. At that time
we’ll also begin steroid injections to speed along the maturity of
baby girl’s lungs so that if she does come early that will help her
with her breathing.

Now it’s full day 3 of bed rest and it’s been a LONG 3 days! What keeps me motivated is knowing that I’m doing what’s best for the little baby girl who still needs time inside.

Oh, before I close, here’s ¬†a preview of my days in photos.

Here’s my nest

Here’s my collection of pillows (aka my new besties)

Here’s my lovely view

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