i’m not sure how long we’ll be a family of 2. i’m feeling fine for the most part. my body continues to grow and ache in new places, but i don’t think any of that is a sign that baby girl is on her way. that being said, i know that doesn’t mean a thing and i could go into labor tonight (: before that glorious moment arrived, i wanted to publicly acknowledge my little family of two- specifically my husband. i oftentimes struggle with saying what needs to be said. i’m better communicating in written form, esp. if it’s words from the heart. why this is, i don’t know. when i try to speak from the heart to my husband or a friend “i love you” or “i’m so thankful you’re in my life” often comes out as “let’s meet for coffee” or “let’s have meatloaf for dinner.” i think writing is the best way for my thoughts to come out in a somewhat ordered fashion.
for those of you who don’t know, jim has pretty much done bed rest right along with me. he has been such a rock and source of strength for me throughout this entire process. he has worked tirelessly to make sure my every need was met. he has cooked my meals and done laundry. he has kept up the household and done all the the cleaning (to be fair he did much of the same things even when i wasn’t on bed rest). sure, i’ve done a load of laundy here and there and loaded and emptied the dishwasher, but it was because i wanted to and not because i needed to. if i didn’t have him here, i wouldn’t have been able to really rest as i needed to. we have been a team and we have both done the hard work to keep this baby girl inside.
the way jim loves me sometimes amazes me. this bed rest jounrney has proven to me that he must really really love me (: not only that, but that he is capable of taking care of me/us if need be. that is a very reassuring revelation. i have not been a treat to deal with let me tell you! at times i’ve been so crazy/sad/worried/happy/tired/mean/crabby and unfair. still, through it all, he’s loved me. we are married and i know he’s legally obligated to take care of me (: <—-thank goodness! but, he doesn’t have to do it willingly or with grace, but HE HAS. i’m so very very thankful for him. i don’t know what i did to deserve him, but i won’t question it. i’ll accept it and run with it.
i’m excited to become a family of 3, but no matter what, i want to remember and embrace our family of 2. i want us to always carve out time to celebrate US and our marriage. we were first a team of 2 after all and i don’t think we can be good parents unless we can continue to honor each other and our committment to one another. marriage can be hard, by design it just is, but i wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. some days we argue and i imagine how great it would feel if i cold just drop kick him in the neck and he’d have cause to feel the same way about me. then i think of what life would really feel like without him and it’s no reality i ever want to face. he is my PERSON. the witness to my life. i can’t wait for this next chapter to begin and i’m so happy we get to exprience this together.