Before I became a Mom, I slept all night. The type of sleep I’d imagine bears experience while hibernating all winter long. I could place my head on a pillow and leave all my worries on the nightstand to (maybe) be dealt with the next day.
Before I became a Mom, I had an expendable income. I could spend it on whatever I wanted and didn’t need- shoes, Happy Hours, concerts and pedicures.
Before I became a Mom, I had weekends. The days you could sleep in, see movies, meet up with friend on a whim.
Now that I’m a Mom, I don’t sleep all night. I enjoy the kind of nights when my baby is restless and needs me. We sometimes snuggle while having sleepovers on the floor in her room, her little body pressed up against mine- my face in her curls. It’s not the “dead to the world” kind of sleep, it’s the “envelope yourself in this moment” blissful sleep.
Now that I’m a Mom, most of our money goes to daycare. I don’t always get to buy a new wardrobe every season, but I get to go shopping with my girl and pick out clothes for her and hold them up and hear her say, “ooohhh priddy”. It’s my favorite song.
Now that I’m a Mom, my weekends are days I get to be with my little family. Cherished time away from the grind to slow down and drink it in. I don’t sleep in because there’s fun to be had eating imaginary things my daughter hands to me or reading her favorite book for the 2,047th time.
Now that I’m a Mom I have a broken heart. The one I had was not big enough to hold the love I have for my child. It is raw with the realization that I’m forever exposed to the unknown and knowledge that I won’t always be able to protect her from the falls, the skinned knees, the sting of rejection and the bruises failure leaves behind. I won’t be able to shield her from the sorrows from loss and missed opportunities or the pain of her own broken heart if she becomes a mother someday.
Before I was a Mom I wondered about God- or whatever you conceive God to be.
Now that I’m a Mom, I’m sure of it, “…a gift so great is only one God could create.”
Thank you, Esther, for choosing me. I am proud to be your momma.