Comfortable in my skin.
“Been down, been up, been broke, broke down, bounced back
Been off, been on, been back, what you know about that?
Been the light, been dark, been the truth, been that King Bey energy
I been thick, been fine, still a ten, still here, that’s all me
Black like love too deep
Dance to the soles of my feet
Green eyes envy me
Paint the world pussy pink.” – Lyrics to “Cozy” by Beyonce
You’ve heard that song, right? Do you dance around like you’ve lost your g-ddamn mind when you hear it like I do? There’s something about a liberated woman that I find fascinating and dangerously powerful. Dangerous in all of the best of ways! My kiddos are I were lucky enough to get to go to the Beyonce concert in Minneapolis and we danced our hearts out to this song in particular! It was their introduction to “how we concert.” We dance. We do not sit in our seats and we especially scream -whoooohoooo during the parts that make us really happy.” They understood the assignment.
It’s important to me to be an example to my children. I want them to know there’s a wide variety of how they can show up in their skin. They get to choose! Period. They get to define who they are….not let the oppressive expectations of society dictate WHO they are and HOW they are. That applies to their gender expression, this applies to their ethnicity, this applies to their socio-economic status, this applies to their sexuality, AND any other labels you can think to add here. My kids are going to be free. I will die trying to make that a reality.
I am a Black woman and I am a mother and so I want to spend some time talking about that. Especially in light of BARBIE movie mania. I have not seen it yet (my kids and husband have though), but I have read the monologue by Gloria Barbie at least 527 times- because I so relate (you can click through to read it, but I’m also going to copy/paste at the end of this post so you don’t have to). Womanhood and motherhood are intertwined with a multitude of expectations that society often places upon women. Almost from the cradle, girls are taught what it means to be a woman: graceful, nurturing, self-sacrificing, polite, and the most dreaded…NICE. As we grow older, these expectations extend to motherhood, a role often romanticized and idealized. The pressure to conform to these societal standards can feel soul-crushing…at least that’s been my experience. And add the layer of being Black on top of that…many of us collapse under the weight of it all. That being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also include that each woman’s journey is unique, and it is essential to recognize that not all women desire or are able to fulfill these expectations OR find these expectations oppressive. Some women easily lean into (and embrace) societal definitions of what womanhood/motherhood needs to look like. Just needed to include that. Because true feminism AND liberation to me means…a woman can choose whatever the hell she wants…so we must leave room for all women…even if her choices and way of showing up in her womanhood looks VERY different from our own. I think that’s very important to be clear about. Womanhood and motherhood should be defined by personal choices, dreams, and aspirations, allowing women the freedom to embrace their individuality and create their own narratives. It is crucial to support and celebrate the diverse experiences and paths taken by women, ensuring that they have the autonomy to shape their own definitions of womanhood, motherhood, personhood, sexuality…etc. I can be a wholesome mom AND dance suggestively at a Beyonce concert (seems like an oddly specific example…right?? LOL) Being one, does not cancel out the other. I talk alot about the power of AND. That’s what I mean. I can be a wholesome mom AND sexy.
I think at the heart of the Cozy lyrics and Gloria Barbie’s words is LIBERATION! And that, folks, is what the second half of my life will be about. Has been about. It’s what I’m pouring into lately and trying to work towards for myself…and for those I can influence. For me, to have true liberation, we must understand, and stop denying the interconnectedness of our individual freedoms. As a Black woman, I understand that my freedom is inherently tied to the freedom of others. The struggle for liberation is not a solitary endeavor; it is a collective journey that intertwines our destinies and fates.
I recognize that my struggle for liberation is interwoven with the struggles of my fellow Black people, as well as the struggles of other marginalized groups. The fight against racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and all forms of discrimination is not isolated; it is a multifaceted struggle that requires unity and solidarity. To achieve true liberation, we must understand that freedom cannot be selective. Our liberation is not complete if it leaves anyone behind. We must lift each other up, amplify each other’s voices, and stand together in the face of injustice and all forms of oppression. Only then can we break the chains that have constrained ALL of us for far too long.
AREN’T YOU SICK OF IT!??? SO FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!?? DON’T YOU WANT TO GET FREE? I DO…. BUT…
I CANNOT be free unless you are free too! I’m going to revisit this topic later(maybe in a podcast???) Do you want to discuss this with me and record it? Leave me a comment.
In the meantime, what are we gonna do? What are the next steps you’re going to take to work for OUR liberation? It must not end with the Barbie movie and Beyonce! I know what mine are…what are yours?
Read America Ferrera’s Barbie monologue in full here:
“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas.
You’re supposed to love being a mother but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.
You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”
Andrews Family Happenings 