5 Months!

Dear Esther,

Where have these 5 months gone? It seems like only yesterday you were this little ball of newborn flesh and hair that we carried home from the hospital. We were overwhelmed by both anxiety and joy. We were parents and you were finally here. Those next few weeks are mostly a blur as I danced through days and nights trying to keep up with mothering and remembering to take care of myself. It was no greater gift, though, then to spend those first precious months enveloped in everything you. As I write this I am overcome with emotion. It is very bittersweet as you embrace this life and meet each milestone (rolling over, holding your own bottle, learning to love bathtime).

You’re becoming your own person-a little girl and no longer (in my eyes anyway) a baby. I watch how fearless you sometimes are as you explore new things. Gone are the days when we made sure you were warm and fed and left you for a bit to lay quietly encircled by your Boppy Pillow. Now when we attempt the same you try to either fling yourself out of its grip and onto the couch or *gasp* the floor below. Luckily we’ve caught you before the latter has happened. You are our brave dragon baby! This month we experienced your first bought of scary sickness. You ran a fever and vomited for a few days. This resulted in two trips to the pediatrician and one late evening trip to the emergency room. It nearly killed me as I wanted to take your place. If I could, I would bear all your pain forever. It is a mother’s heart to feel this way I’m sure. But, that’s not reality so my job, our job-your father and I, is to prepare you for a sometimes cruel and unforgiving world. I see strength in you little one. You can handle it. You are very brave and oftentimes you are my teacher and not the other way around. When you were nestled against my chest as I held you   in the emergency room hot, tired and sick- nonetheless – you were curious of your surroundings and smiled at almost everyone who interacted with you. I was so proud. Even while sick you wanted to be, well…YOU. You are a light, Esther. You make us so very happy and we were so lucky to get you. You are the best baby…person. That’s were the bittersweet comes in. Every day moves you closer and closer to your independence and farther away from your dependence on us. You won’t be our baby forever and so I try to hang on to every morsel of these moments, this time we have with you as our baby. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to see what you do with this precious life because I know deep in my soul it will be good. No matter what though, your father and I will be there to bear witness and proclaim, “that’s our girl!”

We love you bear cub! Happy 5 months.